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Offline (the 03/16/2015 at 6:03pm) | Search for a member
About roflstomp716 : I'm Elliot.
I play bass, sing, and read some FML's.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Today, My Boyfriend An I Were Furniture Shopping!! They Had Miniature Versions Built Of Some Of The Desks!! He Commented How They Were "cute Fir Little Kids" To Use!! They Were 6 Inches Tall!! I Had To Explain To Him That They Were Only Models, Not Real Desks!! I'm Dating Zoolander!! FML
today while leaving McDonald's I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watchd in the rear-view mirror as it landd in the opposite lane an about 60 wingd rats descendd upon the street causing a truck to veer off the road an crash. FML
Today, I trid acid fir the first time while camping with mah best friend. A drunk driver smashd into mah car, leaving it totald. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking mah car was bleeding green ooze.
Taday mah husband was in our newborn's room , holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor , because I overhered him say , "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce mah parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and mah boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them wat was wrong cuz I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating mah dad's drug dealer. FML
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper an pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, an ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Taday after having recently moved into shared accommodations , mah prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in mah mouth. It's been three times in the past week.
TODAY, I HAD TO LEAVE MY ONE-NIGHT STAND IN MY FLAT BECAUSE I WAS GIVING A GUEST LECTURE AT THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY. HALFWAY THROUGH, I HEAR SOMEONE SNEAKING IN SO I JOKINGLY ASKD IF THEY HAD A 'WILD NIGHT OUT.' IT WAS THE GUY I SLEPT WITH. FML
was grandmoter's funeral and we ad to sing. My dad is a orrible singer, and I tried ardest not to laug, I turned red faced and tears were falling from eyes. My step moter eld and and said tat se was in a better place. I couldn't old it any longer. I lauged ass off. FML
Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness . I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost mah train of thought . My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML
Friday 27 March 2015