Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

roflstomp716

Offline (the 08/27/2014 at 5:46am) | Search for a member

roflstomp716

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 503
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About roflstomp716 : I'm Elliot.
I play bass, sing, and read some FML's.

Dallas, TX

roflstomp716's page activity

Visits<b>SevanaRatchet</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 2:40pm<b>vegasked</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 4:08pm<b>KaylaLevin57</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 11:46pm<b>countrygirl_393</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:10am<b>krupa1017</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 11:28pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 2:10pm<b>bloo_isanonymous</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 9:16pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 10:41am<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 5:58pm<b>Mhnd</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 3:26am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 4:45pm<b>ItsMissLia</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 1:47am<b>upbeatgo2go</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 12:25am<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 8:18am<b>nick2356</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 3:02am<b>pumboc</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 12:11am<b>badminton</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 3:31pm<b>energizerbunny23</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 8:37pm

roflstomp716's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of roflstomp716's badges

roflstomp716's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39456) - you deserved it (6533)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
189 comments

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

#20782878
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35879) - you deserved it (4604)

On 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

#20773275
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27154) - you deserved it (45489)

On 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm - misc - by John - United States

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24185) - you deserved it (62683)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57273) - you deserved it (4090)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72892) - you deserved it (7211)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47529) - you deserved it (3154)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54997) - you deserved it (4277)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

#20408486
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (4263)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

#20036157
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18039) - you deserved it (1727)

On 08/22/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by idontbleedfromthere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

#14119620
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10464) - you deserved it (36548)

On 12/07/2010 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by openmouthinsertfoot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

#6933168
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28908) - you deserved it (10447)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML

#4144889
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19010) - you deserved it (46926)

On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: