rjoker0413

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rjoker0413

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 13 April 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 636
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About rjoker0413 : I work in IT and find my self hating the day half the time. This website either makes me laugh and feel better or puts things into perspective knowing things could be worse.

rjoker0413's page activity

Visits<b>One_Way</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 8:09pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 06/02/2012 at 12:31am

rjoker0413's FML badges

Perfectionist

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Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Tweet, tweet

You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.

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rjoker0413's favorite FMLs

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

by mandybar15 / 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Work

Today, my parents insisted that despite the fact I've just turned sixteen, I have to save them money by ordering from the children's menu, because I "still look like a twelve year old". FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:19pm / United States / Kids

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm / United States / Kids

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

by djkimmaz / 12/03/2011 at 6:23am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I helped myself to a small glass of cocktail from the fridge, not realising it was alcoholic. I told my mom what happened. She made me drink salty water until I vomited so I wouldn't get "alcohol poisoning". I'm 19. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 5:05am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

by Sam / 12/03/2011 at 5:03am / United States / Transportation

Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML

by Makala / 12/03/2011 at 3:15am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Health

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

by Jess49 / 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 9:02pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

by bad blood, no shit / 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was at the laundromat, when an attractive girl set up at the machine next to mine. She looked me up and down, then noticed the skid-marks on my underwear. FML

by gtfb1993 / 12/02/2011 at 5:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous