About rjoker0413 : I work in IT and find my self hating the day half the time. This website either makes me laugh and feel better or puts things into perspective knowing things could be worse.
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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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rjoker0413's favorite FMLs
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
by mandybar15 / 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:19pm / United States / Kids
Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm / United States / Kids
Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML
by djkimmaz / 12/03/2011 at 6:23am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
Today, I helped myself to a small glass of cocktail from the fridge, not realising it was alcoholic. I told my mom what happened. She made me drink salty water until I vomited so I wouldn't get "alcohol poisoning". I'm 19. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 5:05am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Sam / 12/03/2011 at 5:03am / United States / Transportation
Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML
by Makala / 12/03/2011 at 3:15am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Health
by Jess49 / 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 9:02pm / United Kingdom / Health
Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML
by bad blood, no shit / 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by gtfb1993 / 12/02/2011 at 5:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman.… Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe… Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel…
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, at daycare, a mother congratulated me for having such a kind and well-behaved little girl.… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…