About riseandshine : colt 45 and 2 zig-zags, baby that's all we need, we can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed. as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn, singing them dirty rap songs, stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong and sell tapes from here to Hong Kong. So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems. Feeling high as hell, flying through palmdale skating on ragged rims. so roll, roll, the 83 cadillac coupe deville, if my tapes and my cds just don't sell, i bet my caddy will
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3894) - you deserved it (33708)
On 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Sean (man) - United States
Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16457) - you deserved it (72542)
On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I told my mom about how my friend is going to China for a year instead of college. My mom suggested that I could do the same. When I told her that a trip to China is probably more expensive than my college tuition, my mom replied, "Not for a one way ticket". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33476) - you deserved it (4735)
Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15819) - you deserved it (83095)
On 08/06/2009 at 8:27am - misc - by Cowan - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)
Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57302) - you deserved it (9130)
On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11654) - you deserved it (51301)
On 08/05/2009 at 11:04pm - animals - by dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35335) - you deserved it (2813)
On 08/05/2009 at 9:25pm - work - by caiti (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24473) - you deserved it (65188)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13249) - you deserved it (45832)
On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, a package came in the mail for a Judith Jones. I told the mail man that no one by that name lived here, and he took the package back. Apparently, that package was the $400 GPS that my boyfriend just purchased on Ebay. The default name on Ebay is Judith Jones, and he forgot to change it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30343) - you deserved it (6207)
On 08/05/2009 at 11:27am - money - by seylerjj (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peak at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5942) - you deserved it (60033)
On 08/05/2009 at 9:37am - love - by TextLoser (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37633) - you deserved it (61546)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10104) - you deserved it (41060)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I learned a valuable lesson, never leave your "Let It Be" album, which you paid $489 for on Ebay out on your desk. My brother also learned something, old records make for very breakable, one use frisbees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33457) - you deserved it (8048)
On 08/04/2009 at 9:37pm - money - by DiskJockey (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30527) - you deserved it (2391)
On 08/04/2009 at 9:19am - misc - by CzechMeOut (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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