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Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39624) - you deserved it (5961)
On 08/16/2009 at 10:32am - intimacy - by juliaspaperbags (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34313) - you deserved it (16802)
On 08/14/2009 at 1:10pm - animals - by Butterflyguy (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML
I agree, your life sucks (72678) - you deserved it (2840)
On 08/04/2009 at 8:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore
Today, at work I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8322) - you deserved it (34176)
On 07/31/2009 at 1:25am - work - by pisspantsjob (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16022) - you deserved it (33603)
On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML
I agree, your life sucks (78417) - you deserved it (4702)
On 06/28/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by steven (man) - Cayman Islands
Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55091) - you deserved it (2663)
On 05/26/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21423) - you deserved it (54869)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88988) - you deserved it (14372)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199562) - you deserved it (58874)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25404) - you deserved it (60333)
On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML
I agree, your life sucks (151164) - you deserved it (21713)
On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States
Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6710) - you deserved it (46995)
On 02/21/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by eejit (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11856) - you deserved it (28361)
On 10/27/2008 at 8:13pm - misc - by Hth - United States (Delaware)
Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (226823) - you deserved it (18801)
On 10/13/2008 at 4:20am - misc - by mehdi -
Monday 20 May 2013
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