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rickster1000

Offline (the 10/13/2014 at 4:03am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

#20908021
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21604) - you deserved it (36558)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21243) - you deserved it (47767)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML

#20907593
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41391) - you deserved it (2992)

On 10/04/2013 at 8:04pm - misc - by ricky the sage (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25693) - you deserved it (77842)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

#20907451
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43112) - you deserved it (3183)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

#20907372
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19570) - you deserved it (38628)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by vcarder (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

#20907125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38754) - you deserved it (5345)

On 10/04/2013 at 12:05pm - health - by likeyourboss (man) - Denmark

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49296) - you deserved it (4192)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51371) - you deserved it (7135)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

#20906604
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33728) - you deserved it (4103)

On 10/03/2013 at 10:56pm - love - by Annoyed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

#20906371
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41526) - you deserved it (2757)

On 10/03/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33965) - you deserved it (28961)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

#20905964
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39930) - you deserved it (3507)

On 10/03/2013 at 1:39pm - work - by blargh - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45074) - you deserved it (4696)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States



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