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rickster1000

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rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48219) - you deserved it (3073)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50480) - you deserved it (6815)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

#20908389
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48478) - you deserved it (3992)

On 10/05/2013 at 1:51pm - misc - by british_babe (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

#20908021
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22451) - you deserved it (37934)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21342) - you deserved it (47932)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML

#20907593
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41544) - you deserved it (3002)

On 10/04/2013 at 8:04pm - misc - by ricky the sage (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27484) - you deserved it (81144)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

#20907451
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43315) - you deserved it (3192)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

#20907372
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20107) - you deserved it (39624)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by vcarder (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

#20907125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38904) - you deserved it (5360)

On 10/04/2013 at 12:05pm - health - by likeyourboss (man) - Denmark

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51179) - you deserved it (4356)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52872) - you deserved it (7309)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

#20906604
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33921) - you deserved it (4123)

On 10/03/2013 at 10:56pm - love - by Annoyed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

#20906371
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43157) - you deserved it (2893)

On 10/03/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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