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rickster1000

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rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

#20991671
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39757) - you deserved it (3137)

On 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by thank u usa (man) - Germany

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

#20990683
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47742) - you deserved it (3044)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I misplaced my phone at small house party. I found it later, but not before being called a sick bastard by my crush. It seems one of my "friends" sent her a cock pic with my phone, and now she wants nothing to do with me. FML

#20990280
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40864) - you deserved it (4805)

On 12/12/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by spastic hardon (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

#20990145
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41272) - you deserved it (3923)

On 12/12/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by lrn2spel, teach (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

#20989886
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37730) - you deserved it (5210)

On 12/12/2013 at 3:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50554) - you deserved it (8015)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

#20989169
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36328) - you deserved it (2843)

On 12/11/2013 at 5:25pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Luxembourg

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

#20989004
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53134) - you deserved it (4606)

On 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by hi Mum - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37948) - you deserved it (5720)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66377) - you deserved it (3593)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

#20984257
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48420) - you deserved it (4531)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)



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