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rickster1000

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rickster1000

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  • Number of visits : 4421
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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33752) - you deserved it (9149)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

#12989156
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33565) - you deserved it (3925)

On 09/10/2010 at 10:56am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML

#12971497
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22359) - you deserved it (8965)

On 09/09/2010 at 12:33am - misc - by niccy (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

#12969357
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25728) - you deserved it (5109)

On 09/08/2010 at 10:15pm - health - by Chester (Seattle) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

#12967216
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13984) - you deserved it (34688)

On 09/08/2010 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by WTF?!?! - United States (Florida)

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

#12957877
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29477) - you deserved it (2065)

On 09/08/2010 at 12:42am - misc - by bustedfornuthin - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

#12911536
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17224) - you deserved it (15479)

On 09/05/2010 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

#12894128
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34604) - you deserved it (5070)

On 09/03/2010 at 11:47pm - health - by lalalasmiles06 -

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

#12880726
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21265) - you deserved it (3326)

On 09/03/2010 at 2:18am - misc - by AnnaWusHere - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML

#12874867
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25232) - you deserved it (3844)

On 09/02/2010 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by anonymous.. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

#12858268
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (2980)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

#12803986
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25719) - you deserved it (5205)

On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

#12767492
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31160) - you deserved it (3099)

On 08/27/2010 at 2:49am - work - by atetoeate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

#12758397
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11477) - you deserved it (46006)

On 08/26/2010 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Eeeek (woman) - Bulgaria (Varna)

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

#12752465
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7722) - you deserved it (60261)

On 08/26/2010 at 6:09am - intimacy - by fmylife (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)



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