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rickster1000

Offline (the 08/26/2014 at 1:25am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

#18123104
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29141) - you deserved it (4880)

On 10/31/2011 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by silkysmooth (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

#18121591
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32656) - you deserved it (3230)

On 10/31/2011 at 4:06pm - love - by poopcoloredeyes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

#18117360
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45277) - you deserved it (8901)

On 10/31/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Andrew - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

#18100630
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16918) - you deserved it (30820)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by me - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

#18098530
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29869) - you deserved it (17605)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML

#18086799
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34213) - you deserved it (8078)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Me - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

#18078526
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41358) - you deserved it (3983)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:58am - intimacy - by Darcy (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28917) - you deserved it (3022)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

#18067303
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43661) - you deserved it (3328)

On 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm - misc - by KaySchrages92 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

#18048411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14558) - you deserved it (45711)

On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

#18047257
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10997) - you deserved it (37502)

On 10/22/2011 at 4:25pm - work - by Brony - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

#18030878
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31411) - you deserved it (5973)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Meath)

Today, while jogging in the park, I saw a man acting strange and trying to talk to 3 little girls. I jogged over to their mother and warned her about a 'weirdo' lurking around her daughters. Turns out that 'weirdo' is the woman's disabled brother. FML

Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML

#17981787
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32919) - you deserved it (10788)

On 10/14/2011 at 11:23am - intimacy - by cduran2011 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34455) - you deserved it (24586)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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