About redrumbear : Read everything I say in the voice of Stewie, and you shall be forever entertained.
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redrumbear's favorite FMLs
Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML
by Anonymous / 11/18/2011 at 3:49pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
by insulted / 11/15/2011 at 12:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by honeybadger123 / 11/13/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML
by tech_support / 11/04/2011 at 12:05pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Work
by insanitycalling / 10/26/2011 at 2:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 1:43am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by box bulge / 10/20/2011 at 9:24pm / China / Health
Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML
by smeeagain / 10/20/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/20/2011 at 9:13pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML
by Helmet / 10/20/2011 at 12:05am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by dinosaucer / 10/11/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (Delaware) / Intimacy
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by BigBananaLover / 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not… Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is… Today, my doctor told me I have tennis elbow in both arms. I don't play tennis, I just have way too…