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redneck14's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 7:36am / United States (Delaware) / Health
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by SquishFish / 08/17/2012 at 12:08am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 1:29am / Europe / Intimacy
Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML
by sincerely depressed. / 08/09/2012 at 5:42pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by mcase / 07/31/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love
by ohdang / 03/01/2012 at 12:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Djcc / 02/21/2012 at 1:03pm / United States / Love
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 9:00am / Malaysia / Work
Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML
by memoryloss / 12/04/2011 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Health
by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly… Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach… Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times…