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TODAY, LIKE EVERY DAY, I USED MY PHONE WHILE TAKING A DUMP. AS I REACHED FOR SOME TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MYSELF, MY SISTER POUNDED ON THE DOOR FOR ME TO HURRY UP. I YELLED "FINE," AND WITHOUT REALIZING IT, WIPED MYSELF WITH MY PHONE. FML
Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked wat he was doing, he replied very seriously, ( weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer ). I'm a girl.
Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot an sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food an toss it on the floor. FML
Yesterday, I realized that the place that mah brother and I would find soggy balloon and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitute take their clients. We were blowing up used condom fir a good part of our childhood. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, an starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, ( Really? ) She replied, ( Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015