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rebe1026's favorite FMLs
Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML
by mike / 07/10/2013 at 3:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Your ass... Grab it... / 07/04/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
by good big sister? / 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, while waitressing, I had a huge party. When everything was said and done I saw the tip they left me. It said on a napkin, "You're pretty. You can't put a value on a compliment." And that was it. I wish compliments paid the rent. FML
by Chellybelly92 / 07/01/2013 at 11:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
by foreversingle / 06/30/2013 at 2:09pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Miscellaneous
by BimmerDriver / 06/30/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2013 at 6:58am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by not cool / 06/28/2013 at 1:16am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by EpicJman2828 / 06/27/2013 at 12:27am / United States / Animals
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML
by bloodprincess / 06/25/2013 at 1:13pm / United States / Animals
Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML
by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by shea234 / 02/20/2012 at 11:19am / United States / Miscellaneous