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reapper9000's FML badges
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
reapper9000's favorite FMLs
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML
by roadie42 / 05/24/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML
by hahaohyeahwow / 09/24/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Cat Piss / 12/15/2013 at 11:58am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by -__-" / 09/29/2013 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
by iwassoclose / 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
- Today, is my 16 birthday. Today also marks one week my electric and water has been shut off. 6 days… Today, my dad is mad at me because I've been dating a boy who I've asked him to meet but he refuses… Today my mom yelled at me because I was choking on a hard boiled egg and was too busy coughing my…