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raz_berri93's favorite FMLs
by potatoking24 / 01/07/2016 at 10:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML
by no I've never asked for anal / 09/20/2015 at 9:44am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by soisblueballsdickhead / 10/26/2014 at 10:25am / United States / Intimacy
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by littleteapot / 09/04/2014 at 10:47pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML
by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML
by well SHIT / 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by awkward / 02/22/2014 at 12:39am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML
by raz_berri93 / 11/17/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
by zackeryburch / 08/03/2013 at 9:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen… Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am.… Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled…