Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

rayquaza5000

Search for a member

rayquaza5000

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5168
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About rayquaza5000 : I love reading FMLs late at night. ;P

rayquaza5000's page activity

Visits<b>Googolman</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 4:01pm

rayquaza5000's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of rayquaza5000's badges

rayquaza5000's favorite FMLs

Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML

#18070361
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37153) - you deserved it (3189)

On 10/25/2011 at 4:17am - misc - by myownperson - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

#18057000
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24734) - you deserved it (3910)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:08pm - love - by Mrs. Terrified - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I uploaded my latest picture onto a photography website. It only got one comment, and even that was from someone advising me to never use the same hideous model ever again. It was a self-portrait. FML

#18054599
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25854) - you deserved it (4155)

On 10/23/2011 at 2:05pm - misc - by fuglyphotographer (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

#18051286
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41534) - you deserved it (19147)

On 10/23/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by canucks_chick - Canada

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22713) - you deserved it (16798) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

#18041933
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16932) - you deserved it (46101) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Virginiedetibo - France

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20321) - you deserved it (33681)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

#18034396
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31628) - you deserved it (8939)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:24pm - health - by box bulge - China

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51907) - you deserved it (16572)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

#18022095
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35130) - you deserved it (6101)

On 10/19/2011 at 8:19am - love - by anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51163) - you deserved it (8049)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

#18014569
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42238) - you deserved it (8549)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

#18014393
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50056) - you deserved it (4554)

On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

#18012444
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37333) - you deserved it (5742)

On 10/18/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: