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rayquaza5000

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rayquaza5000

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 4956
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About rayquaza5000 : I love reading FMLs late at night. ;P

rayquaza5000's page activity

Visits<b>Googolman</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 4:01pm

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rayquaza5000's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

#18135493
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29976) - you deserved it (12423)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:32am - intimacy - by ugadawgs09 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

#18134142
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31194) - you deserved it (14650)

On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

#18129165
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22813) - you deserved it (21229)

On 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm - misc - by bakedplum (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

#18108392
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39690) - you deserved it (22590)

On 10/30/2011 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Korisite - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

#18106898
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11399) - you deserved it (29129)

On 10/29/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Messiahman - United States (Texas)

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

#18101426
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36665) - you deserved it (2660)

On 10/29/2011 at 3:22am - love - by backstabbed - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

#18093315
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30527) - you deserved it (2578)

On 10/27/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

#18092758
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28383) - you deserved it (5070)

On 10/27/2011 at 10:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML

#18089011
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36203) - you deserved it (4544)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by The fat and the ugly (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32128) - you deserved it (7944)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13591) - you deserved it (34742)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9971) - you deserved it (180473)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

#18084228
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24940) - you deserved it (3256)

On 10/26/2011 at 9:38pm - love - by nekogirl15 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40473) - you deserved it (5223)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

#18078526
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41358) - you deserved it (3983)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:58am - intimacy - by Darcy (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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