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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 6984
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About rayquaza5000 : I love reading FMLs late at night. ;P

rayquaza5000's page activity

Visits<b>Googolman</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 4:01pm<b></b> - the 01/24/2011 at 3:27pm

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Consolation prize

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rayquaza5000's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

by lopsided / 09/06/2011 at 12:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

by grossedout / 09/06/2011 at 1:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

by foreseeingabreakup / 09/06/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

by ohaifml / 09/04/2011 at 5:17pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend bitched me out for being too controlling. Apparently, not only am I being unreasonable by not wanting him visiting strip clubs with his friends, I'm also just "looking for excuses to get mad" at him. FML

by inlovewithstupid / 09/04/2011 at 12:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 12:21pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

by southernluxe / 09/04/2011 at 5:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

by Gurior / 09/04/2011 at 3:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

by haha / 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

by SterlingSilver91 / 09/03/2011 at 7:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

by abby181 / 09/03/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

by ol faithful / 09/03/2011 at 5:24am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

by tryingtobepretty101 / 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

by Harry Dare / 09/02/2011 at 12:31pm / United Kingdom (Walsall) / Love