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Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11318) - you deserved it (2180)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6265) - you deserved it (2068)
On 01/31/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by B - Netherlands
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36488) - you deserved it (5500)
On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you deserved it (2976)
On 01/21/2012 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22802) - you deserved it (3401)
On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom
Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML
I agree, your life sucks (82992) - you deserved it (9946)
On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13241) - you deserved it (2139)
On 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by xxxzzzooo (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18168) - you deserved it (2234)
On 09/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by NiHao (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (87651) - you deserved it (18472)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8487) - you deserved it (53564)
On 08/17/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by hunnydoll (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51335) - you deserved it (5082)
On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (170872) - you deserved it (52081)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55854) - you deserved it (35612)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whatdoyoudo (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (373076) - you deserved it (413146)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35891) - you deserved it (9178)
On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)
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