rawdrums

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Offline (the 03/23/2015 at 11:57pm)

rawdrums

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 688
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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rawdrums's page activity

Visits<b>kerrwoof</b> - the 01/01/2013 at 10:39pm

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rawdrums's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

by Michael D. / 08/25/2012 at 12:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

by thekriss / 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm / Love

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

by ZAS / 08/22/2012 at 12:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

by byegeorge / 08/17/2012 at 7:26am / United Kingdom (Hounslow) / Animals

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2012 at 5:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

by feelsterrible / 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

by Employee / 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

by milf / 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids