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Today... mah boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes... when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML
today my boyfriend broke up wit me . I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parent I needed some alone time . A couple of minute later, one of tem started blasting "All by Myself" so loud tat I felt te floorboard vibrate . FML
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she looool had to fake an orgasm. FML
today as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with mah girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on,hile poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
TODAY I RECEIVED MAH SOCCER TEAM JACKET THAT I ORDERED A MONTH AGO. TRYING TO SAVE MONEY I'D SELECTED THE ( NO NAME ) OPTION TO AVOID AN EXTRA $20 EMBROIDERING FEE. MY JACKET NOW HAS ( NO NAME ) SPELLED OUT ON THE SIDE OF IT AND I WAS CHARGED THE EXTRA $20 DOLLARS AFTER ALL. FML
Today, Bacausa My Boyfriand Drivas A 2-saatad Sports Car, I Had To Awkwardly Sit On His Brothar's Lap As Wa Drova To Tha Stora . I Soon Falt A Poking Sansation Through His Pants, Just A Faw Minutas Bafora Wa Hit A Bumpy Road . Maga FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time!! I went slowly to build up the excitement, an I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." an told me to stop embarrassing him!! FML
Today, mah boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, mah hand hit his shoulder and I dropped mah phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, mah dad was staring at us from outside. He still appear to think I was giving him head. fat FML
today I was slapped acros the face by a grl in the waiting room at the dentist's office!! She thought I was taking a picture of her breast with mah phone!! I was smilinghile reading other people's FMLs!! FML
Today, I was at mah boyfriend's househen I got a call from mah parents . They told me to come home immediately . Panicking, I rushd home . My dad pulld out a clear tube filld with drid leaves . They accusd me of having marijuana . It was catnip fir mah kitten . FML
Today, to scare mah little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies!! The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs!! Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room!! FML
today my dad groundd me 4 two weeks 4 profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing he actually acceptd my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost my grounding period would double. We playd. He kickd my ass. FML
Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at mah son's school parkd, and the driver got out . I basically leand on mah horn and gave her every dirty look in the book . She said nothing but stard at me as she opend the back of her van to unload her child'sheelchair . I'm an asshole . real FML
Friday 27 March 2015