raunina

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raunina

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  • Number of visits : 671
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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raunina's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:48pm

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raunina's favorite FMLs

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

by anonymous / 09/18/2009 at 1:48pm / Health

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

by nickname / 09/14/2009 at 5:21am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

by treegirl / 07/26/2009 at 1:57am / United States / Love

Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML

by Barista / 07/05/2009 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML

by loli-conned / 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

by NotSoYoung / 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

by NoBalls / 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

by Cail / 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy