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ratjar99

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ratjar99

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  • Number of visits : 83
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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ratjar99's favorite FMLs

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41298) - you deserved it (17894)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37813) - you deserved it (4008)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

#18991669
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31501) - you deserved it (2755) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/04/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by DarkDolly - France

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

#18855245
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6858) - you deserved it (74287)

On 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm - misc - by tiptoesjohnson -

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

#13634114
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29729) - you deserved it (6703)

On 10/29/2010 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Taylor parsons - United States (Alabama)

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

#13469972
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (6426)

On 10/16/2010 at 8:31am - love - by married (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

#7124750
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9176) - you deserved it (22811)

On 01/03/2010 at 11:40am - intimacy - by grounded (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

#3971516
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51054) - you deserved it (3917)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - kids - by bbbkingsey (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

#30754
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26090) - you deserved it (51138)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

#18143
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86711) - you deserved it (18141)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by douglisk1994 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

#4860
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9234) - you deserved it (52819)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38071) - you deserved it (29901)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

#3221
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30798) - you deserved it (3359)

On 01/28/2009 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15570) - you deserved it (67943)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States



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