About rastapasta : I love screamo bands and cats and am slightly obsessed with pizza.
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rastapasta's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2014 at 12:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML
by cubs44fan / 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek
by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 5:42am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML
by Stuck / 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by tigerisabelle / 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous
Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML
by Sleepless / 02/03/2014 at 8:29am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML
by beemove / 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Chatons / 12/05/2013 at 1:52am / Switzerland / Animals
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids
- Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give… Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on… Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis…