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raol_kuldeep's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
by FenRackety / 05/10/2013 at 8:37am / Canada / Animals
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML
by vacationless / 02/05/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (West Virginia) / Holidays
Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML
by apparentlythereisnokarma / 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML
by Chris / 11/20/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Washington) / Love
by SoSoRachel / 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by mista_sandy / 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by swim5 / 03/31/2012 at 8:22am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by LesToiliettes / 03/25/2012 at 3:12am / United States (Ohio) / Work
by KittenNomNom / 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by facepalm / 09/12/2011 at 4:07am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML
by Username / 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, like every other day, I woke up and made myself a cup of coffee using my French press. After… Today, I had a sex dream. I woke up, sleepily got myself off and fell right asleep. it wasn't until… Today, at my shop my nephew proudly told me he had just sold thousands of pounds of merchandise. I…