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ramboman19's favorite FMLs
by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 9:25am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
by jillydark6609 / 09/19/2010 at 2:21am / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by sleepwalker / 09/14/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
by tickyette / 09/14/2010 at 3:27am / United States / Love
Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML
by bennyp77 / 08/31/2010 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Embarressed... / 08/04/2010 at 6:25am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy
Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML
by GGimabeast / 07/29/2010 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by mynoseburns / 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
by goldie09 / 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by btg / 02/06/2010 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her… Today, my bike brakes failed as I was going downhill. I ended up running a light and hit a car at… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling…
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, at lunch, my seven-year-old daughter and I had a chat. I asked her if she had a sweetheart.… Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to…