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rainman71696

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rainman71696's favorite FMLs

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

Today, I came home from work to be given $1 by my mother. This normally would have been nice, had my mother not said, "I just sold that ugly old black and white picture frame you always leave lying around in your room." Which also would have been nice if that "frame" wasn't my Kindle. FML

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

#20061927
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25184) - you deserved it (2967)

On 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm - work - by PuddlePirate (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

#20048959
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32912) - you deserved it (2232)

On 08/30/2012 at 1:55am - misc - by DamnTornadoAlley - United States (Texas)

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

#20038541
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32158) - you deserved it (1583)

On 08/24/2012 at 12:08am - health - by Neurocardiogenic Syncope - Canada

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

#20011233
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19225) - you deserved it (3341)

On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw, and the waiters had to call 911. FML

#19990108
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21108) - you deserved it (2287)

On 07/29/2012 at 1:15am - health - by cherknobil (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

#19989315
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25374) - you deserved it (2859)

On 07/28/2012 at 4:38pm - intimacy - by feminista (woman) - Guatemala (Guatemala)

Today, my long-term boyfriend insisted on me going down on him. When I asked what he would do in return, he said "I was thinking McDonald's". FML

#19985281
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24702) - you deserved it (4475)

On 07/26/2012 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

#19984969
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24976) - you deserved it (2209)

On 07/26/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

#19983177
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27261) - you deserved it (3045)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:03am - love - by Unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

#19980298
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25941) - you deserved it (10809)

On 07/23/2012 at 8:52pm - kids - by nick (man) - United States (California)

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

#19974233
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6867) - you deserved it (42093)

On 07/22/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Roma-Jay - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

#19971025
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27867) - you deserved it (2944)

On 07/21/2012 at 10:30pm - health - by Luna - United States (New York)



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