rainman71696

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rainman71696

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  • Number of visits : 281
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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rainman71696's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

by anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss declared total bankruptcy of the company and I lost my job. The good news is my coworkers and I all received McDonald's 10%-off coupons. They expired in 2003. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 11:50am / Work

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

by Not impressed. / 11/19/2013 at 12:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

by soon to be divorced / 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

by sleepysophie / 10/19/2013 at 11:04am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

by collegegrad / 10/15/2013 at 11:51am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

by oops / 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

by monkey / 09/19/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

by Volunteer / 09/13/2013 at 6:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

by heartbroken / 09/09/2013 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

by charlieg9 / 08/30/2013 at 8:33am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

by the other man / 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love