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rainman71696

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rainman71696

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rainman71696's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45931) - you deserved it (16684)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49098) - you deserved it (4440)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31729) - you deserved it (39335)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss declared total bankruptcy of the company and I lost my job. The good news is my coworkers and I all received McDonald's 10%-off coupons. They expired in 2003. FML

#20963285
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43343) - you deserved it (2555)

On 11/19/2013 at 11:50am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

#20963001
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34862) - you deserved it (2662)

On 11/19/2013 at 12:51am - work - by Not impressed. - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55292) - you deserved it (3690)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

#20926236
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45823) - you deserved it (5055)

On 10/19/2013 at 11:04am - misc - by sleepysophie (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

#20921448
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42809) - you deserved it (5020)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:51am - work - by collegegrad (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46766) - you deserved it (2948)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

#20889450
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64744) - you deserved it (6257)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by oops - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

#20887524
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51009) - you deserved it (4957)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by monkey (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

#20879963
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39185) - you deserved it (9794)

On 09/13/2013 at 6:24pm - work - by Volunteer (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

#20874079
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70883) - you deserved it (3970)

On 09/09/2013 at 3:19am - love - by heartbroken - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

#20860109
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39711) - you deserved it (13964)

On 08/30/2013 at 8:33am - misc - by charlieg9 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

#20857254
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46532) - you deserved it (3477)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm - love - by the other man - United States (Arkansas)



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