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ragingatheist's FML badges
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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You've liked someone. How cute!
ragingatheist's favorite FMLs
Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML
by peele / 03/25/2015 at 9:10am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous
by noway / 03/22/2015 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/18/2015 at 5:44am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML
by jynxisadouchebag / 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
by Sarah1330 / 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm / United States / Animals
Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML
by tulisa / 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by secret / 02/14/2015 at 9:10am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm / France (Bretagne) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
by anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 12:16am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by m33p / 02/05/2015 at 3:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/03/2015 at 2:03pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Love
Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML
by anon / 02/03/2015 at 2:50am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by WalkTheOtherWay / 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML
by not a cancerous pimple / 01/30/2015 at 7:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…