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Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
by Mothering / 07/11/2011 at 5:25am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/22/2009 at 9:32am / Singapore / Kids
Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML
by loli-conned / 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids
Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML
by squeezable / 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML
by Hackmanjones / 06/13/2009 at 10:42am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tip toed out of the room did I realize that my cell phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2009 at 11:39pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids
Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML
by Jon / 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm / United States (Maine) / Kids
by Amey / 05/04/2009 at 5:09am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML
by itswhateverr / 05/03/2009 at 12:16am / United States (New York) / Kids
by mylove / 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML
by Nanny / 04/30/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 6:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML
by divorced / 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML
by Dang-ItsDanielle / 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Kids