You talk it, i live it.You think it, i do it.
I am my own person, no one else can pull off being me. I live it up, and I doubt you can keep up with me. I am kinda a bitch but hey who isn't?. I'm not your typical girl, I play sports and enjoy hanging out with friends.
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41789) - you totally deserved it (1496)
On 06/26/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Chedder (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30654) - you totally deserved it (16058)
On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States
Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50569) - you totally deserved it (3364)
On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24295) - you totally deserved it (46016)
On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43159) - you totally deserved it (1861)
On 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by Emptyspace (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States
Today, I was visiting my friends new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughters. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20652) - you totally deserved it (3985)
On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (201778) - you totally deserved it (32218)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
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On 02/28/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (383897) - you totally deserved it (67141)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (328450) - you totally deserved it (18712)
On 02/10/2009 at 6:06pm - intimacy - by misc (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
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On 01/03/2009 at 11:48am - intimacy - by - Sent from a mobile version
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML
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On 12/22/2008 at 2:45am - love - by Julian - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML
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On 12/06/2008 at 7:14am - love - by Sybille - France (Ile-de-France)
