qwertyourface

Search for a member

qwertyourface

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1700
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

qwertyourface's page activity

Visits<b>BatmanPotato</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 10:51pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 1:35pm<b>JolonBraeden</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 8:43pm<b>feeshcake</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 11:35pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 11:36pm

qwertyourface's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

qwertyourface's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2013 at 6:38pm / Love

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 1:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

by NNTA / 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

by back to creepers / 12/21/2013 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Geek

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

by hi Mum / 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

by Neglected / 12/11/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

by Whackgourd / 12/11/2013 at 1:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

by Lemurcat / 12/11/2013 at 11:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

by pootie / 12/11/2013 at 8:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

by mariology / 12/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

by a.white / 12/11/2013 at 6:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous