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quirkyred's FML badges
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quirkyred's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
by troll of a gran / 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by aelia_oups / 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm / Miscellaneous
Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 10:44am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML
by time to put you down, gran / 12/01/2012 at 5:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by lobstercola / 11/24/2012 at 11:35am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 12:31am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 10:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
by crybaby / 02/01/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by omgwhyme / 01/08/2012 at 9:36am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…