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queen_awks's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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queen_awks's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by drsyl54 / 03/28/2010 at 5:04am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML
by Lovejunkie / 03/01/2010 at 2:30am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
by charliesangel123 / 02/21/2010 at 12:16pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 7:49am / India (Madhya Pradesh) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
by poo_shoe123 / 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…