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pyros's favorite FMLs
by give me an F / 01/05/2014 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML
by estranger / 01/03/2014 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by notsohandy / 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 12:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 2:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
by awkword / 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2013 at 12:20pm / United States / Love
Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2013 at 7:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by LeaveHimAlone / 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML
by ConfusedDad / 12/29/2013 at 2:01am / United States / Kids
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by Isitreallythatbad, / 12/22/2013 at 12:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I play softball and we use eye black because it helps block out the glare. I sat down at my… Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over…