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Taday wife made me a Sex Rewards Cart,ere I get points by doing cores an suc, an 50 points gets me some action. Se refuses to even look at me if I aven't earned te points, an is contemplating sleeping alone in te guest room until I earn more points. FML
Taday I was texting mah boyfriendhen he said "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny I ran and grabbed mah copy of the movie Up and took a picture of me holding it looool and sent it to him. He replied "Getting real tired of yur shit." Then dumped me fir mah "dumb taste in humor."
Today I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a grl I liked in high school. When leaving I shook hands with the employer waved goodbye to the grl turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep,hen an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in looool the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. fat FML
Today, completely excited, I told mah mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked an who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school an offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look lyk now?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015