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purplexpinapple

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purplexpinapple

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Visits<b>Alpaca_BAMF</b> - the 06/27/2013 at 7:11pm

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purplexpinapple's favorite FMLs

Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37661) - you deserved it (4724)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

#20540861
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34586) - you deserved it (2769)

On 03/12/2013 at 3:03pm - misc - by PhailedMidterm (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

#20539298
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38484) - you deserved it (2374)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia

Today, my friend spilt orange juice all over my iPad. She then went ahead to clean it off by rinsing it with water. FML

#20187648
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (2545)

On 12/02/2012 at 5:16am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

#20058507
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23534) - you deserved it (4669)

On 09/05/2012 at 4:14am - love - by steve (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23591) - you deserved it (2619)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

#20017485
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23769) - you deserved it (2377)

On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

#19984969
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24915) - you deserved it (2205)

On 07/26/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML

#19710494
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27958) - you deserved it (2707) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, the captain of my school's girls wrestling team asked me out. I politely declined. She angrily locked me in the trunk of my own car. FML

#19165097
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32143) - you deserved it (5456)

On 02/26/2012 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
216 comments

Today, after being terrified for years, I went on a plane for the first time. It was also the first time I "emergency landed." FML

#17291466
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31667) - you deserved it (2609)

On 07/28/2011 at 10:25pm - misc - by Alyssa Charlotte - Mexico

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

#15985545
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (7187)

On 04/30/2011 at 12:49am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

#14644616
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33818) - you deserved it (7618)

On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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