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Today, I farted while I was in line at the bank. I tried to pretend it wasn't me by looking at the man behind me and turning back with a disgusted look on my face. I thought I had gotten away with it when the man yells "It wasn't me, this bitch did it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (4116) - you totally deserved it (49653)
On 08/19/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by moutz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27410) - you totally deserved it (3669)
On 08/14/2009 at 1:01pm - work - by dumblond (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34110) - you totally deserved it (4403)
On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball strangely rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14635) - you totally deserved it (45098)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30755) - you totally deserved it (7364)
On 08/02/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by soembarrassed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was on a 3 hour plane ride. An elderly man was sitting next to me and before the flight took off, he fell asleep on my shoulder. I decided to be kind and let him sleep. When the flight was about to land, I tried to wake him up. He wouldn't. He died on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70792) - you totally deserved it (2652)
On 07/19/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35315) - you totally deserved it (4769)
On 07/18/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by xobeachbabi428ox - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51994) - you totally deserved it (7816)
On 07/12/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37981) - you totally deserved it (1004)
On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14196) - you totally deserved it (41314)
On 07/10/2009 at 7:18pm - love - by failhusband (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4113) - you totally deserved it (40785)
On 07/07/2009 at 2:33pm - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41765) - you totally deserved it (1769)
On 07/07/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by allwaysbuggedinheaven - United States (Michigan)
Today, I left something in my boss' office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22963) - you totally deserved it (12086)
On 07/06/2009 at 10:09pm - work - by superclutz (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for me and my girlfriend. I was trying that move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and the girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. Only when I tried it, my spagetti went down too far in my throat and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28072) - you totally deserved it (16362)
On 07/06/2009 at 12:54pm - love - by spitballer1 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25936) - you totally deserved it (7141)
On 07/06/2009 at 12:03am - money - by icecreamer (man) - United States (New Jersey)
