About purplemnm : Serve the Horde, or be crushed beneath it.
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purplemnm's favorite FMLs
Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML
by richgirl / 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML
by kiki / 02/24/2010 at 12:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 12:05am / United States (Montana) / Intimacy
Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML
by susan / 02/23/2010 at 8:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
by sacked / 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
by Rafiki / 02/21/2010 at 10:14pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML
by Mika_Ookami / 02/21/2010 at 12:54pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he's in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He's forgotten I even existed. FML
by sasquatch21 / 02/21/2010 at 8:36am / Bahrain (Al Manamah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 7:56am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Today, I lied to my crush telling him I can play the piano. To 'prove' it, I recorded a video on my phone of a girl playing a beautiful piece. After I sent it, I realized my mouse cursor was in the center of the page the entire time. FML
by Piano999 / 02/21/2010 at 2:41am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML
by Braced / 02/21/2010 at 12:14am / United States (West Virginia) / Health
by AwwChute / 02/20/2010 at 8:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…