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purplemnm

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purplemnm

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 June 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7332
  • Number of comments : 837
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

About purplemnm : Serve the Horde, or be crushed beneath it.

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purplemnm's favorite FMLs

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

#8621436
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22373) - you deserved it (3864)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm - work - by richgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

#8612395
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22937) - you deserved it (4080)

On 02/24/2010 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

#8606978
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10488) - you deserved it (28925)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:54am - intimacy - by kiki (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

#8605732
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16348) - you deserved it (3827)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:05am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

#8598142
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20878) - you deserved it (2744)

On 02/23/2010 at 8:26pm - misc - by susan - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12239) - you deserved it (20109)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

#8532673
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7172) - you deserved it (26245)

On 02/21/2010 at 10:14pm - animals - by Rafiki (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

#8516526
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27247) - you deserved it (2736)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Mika_Ookami - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he's in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He's forgotten I even existed. FML

#8510953
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25684) - you deserved it (5188)

On 02/21/2010 at 8:36am - misc - by sasquatch21 (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

#8510516
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23662) - you deserved it (3916)

On 02/21/2010 at 7:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

#8509840
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20834) - you deserved it (6626)

On 02/21/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by foutu - Sent from mobile version

Today, I lied to my crush telling him I can play the piano. To 'prove' it, I recorded a video on my phone of a girl playing a beautiful piece. After I sent it, I realized my mouse cursor was in the center of the page the entire time. FML

#8505761
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3868) - you deserved it (53166)

On 02/21/2010 at 2:41am - misc - by Piano999 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

#8500345
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6905) - you deserved it (32666)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:14am - health - by Braced (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I had food poisoning. I spent all day on the can. I also had a bucket to throw up into at the same time. I was sick out of both ends, at the same time. FML

#8499818
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27488) - you deserved it (2280)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:05am - health - by Will - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got stuck in my apartment's garbage chute. FML

#8492121
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9608) - you deserved it (27515)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by AwwChute (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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