About purplemnm : Serve the Horde, or be crushed beneath it.
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purplemnm's favorite FMLs
by mugged / 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 3:05pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 4:17am / New Zealand (Otago) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML
by sadinmass / 11/13/2010 at 8:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 4:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
by Tai / 10/31/2010 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 10/25/2010 at 5:02pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML
by bjevilcat2 / 10/18/2010 at 2:02pm / United States / Health
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 7:25am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 6:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by migsman / 09/14/2010 at 10:43pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML
by Jackie / 09/14/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 1:00am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2010 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Love
- Today, I finally went to talk to my neighbour upstairs. He is always throwing his cigarette buts on… Today my manager tried to force me to sign an employee contract (I've worked here a year) that she… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.…