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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 June 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10331
  • Number of comments : 837
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

About purplemnm : Serve the Horde, or be crushed beneath it.

purplemnm's page activity

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purplemnm's FML badges

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purplemnm's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

by mugged / 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 3:05pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 4:17am / New Zealand (Otago) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

by sadinmass / 11/13/2010 at 8:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 4:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

by Tai / 10/31/2010 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex. I imagined he was Tom Cruise. He imagined I was my best friend. FML

by anonymous / 10/25/2010 at 5:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

by bjevilcat2 / 10/18/2010 at 2:02pm / United States / Health

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 7:25am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 6:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

by migsman / 09/14/2010 at 10:43pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML

by Jackie / 09/14/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 1:00am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2010 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Love