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purplelove77's FML badges
Up and coming moderator
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purplelove77's favorite FMLs
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
by n3ov / 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm / Pakistan (Islamabad) / Intimacy
by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by wtf dad / 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
by mandybar15 / 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
by theslutmuncher / 12/14/2012 at 6:20pm / Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt) / Miscellaneous
Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML
by surrounded by dumbfucks / 12/13/2012 at 6:44pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek
by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML
by goodbye cruel world / 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Mike / 10/16/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids
Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Missouri) / Work
by leafscupwin / 10/16/2012 at 12:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, two girls came up to me on the street and asked if they could take a photo with me for their high school scavenger hunt, because they needed a picture with a stranger. One of the girls shook her head and said to the other, "It needs to be an attractive stranger" and walked away. FML
by notattractiveatall / 10/15/2012 at 6:09pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had… Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But… Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid…