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punchline

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  • Number of visits : 300
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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punchline's favorite FMLs

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

#19905644
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12004) - you deserved it (26032)

On 07/07/2012 at 4:23pm - misc - by Ali - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

#19288594
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24455) - you deserved it (14349)

On 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

#19243126
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21865) - you deserved it (2420)

On 03/08/2012 at 11:45pm - misc - by babymine - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

#19237807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8621) - you deserved it (20388)

On 03/08/2012 at 4:03am - misc - by wtf - United States

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

#19188753
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9604) - you deserved it (23424)

On 02/29/2012 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by cfaul001 - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

#19138431
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6532) - you deserved it (38709)

On 02/22/2012 at 11:47am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

#19138431
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6532) - you deserved it (38709)

On 02/22/2012 at 11:47am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML

#19066381
433 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9375) - you deserved it (113991)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20577) - you deserved it (4147)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

#19064063
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32038) - you deserved it (6165)

On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML

#19045856
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10776) - you deserved it (41198)

On 02/11/2012 at 1:36am - love - by sarah (woman) - United States

Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

#18931517
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25197) - you deserved it (3509)

On 01/28/2012 at 3:35am - intimacy - by BigDT (man) -

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

#18561391
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16446) - you deserved it (52540)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48132) - you deserved it (3612)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

#18374727
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23044) - you deserved it (2934)

On 11/28/2011 at 10:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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