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pugnamedwhiskey's favorite FMLs
by JayCee500 / 05/27/2014 at 7:05pm / Health
by Anonymous / 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
by idontevencareanymore / 05/23/2014 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on my way to my first job interview in months. I wasn't even halfway to the place when a bunch of cockbites in a car drove past and hurled a bucket of paint out the window, drenching me and several other people on the street. FML
by spasti-cunt / 05/17/2014 at 4:51pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
by wtf / 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML
by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Jarool / 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by bambam / 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML
by Mortifiedcharityworker / 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm / Austria / Work
by booty backfire / 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML
by Felicityfrank / 05/01/2014 at 10:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML
by gracehi / 03/07/2014 at 3:29pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Pooper scooper / 01/28/2014 at 3:22am / Guam / Animals
Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That… Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in… Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML