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prisonguard5

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prisonguard5
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 26
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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prisonguard5's favorite FMLs

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

#20163905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14092) - you deserved it (973)

On 11/15/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Superman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

#20138170
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9204) - you deserved it (22849)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

#20121138
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21068) - you deserved it (1351)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21349) - you deserved it (4098)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27845) - you deserved it (16777)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71950) - you deserved it (8399)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

#20101904
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (2207)

On 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm - love - by imafunguy (man) - United States

Today, I received the "employee of the month" title from the job I was fired from last week. FML

#20059608
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17137) - you deserved it (1148)

On 09/05/2012 at 10:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

#20043181
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20707) - you deserved it (2516)

On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML

#19939315
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28539) - you deserved it (4822)

On 07/15/2012 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

#19886014
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30858) - you deserved it (7950)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by bob - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

#19881608
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25490) - you deserved it (4239)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to get a nice, relaxing hot stone massage. Instead I got second degree burns on my legs. FML

#18869221
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21585) - you deserved it (3248)

On 01/21/2012 at 9:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

#18855245
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6278) - you deserved it (70612)

On 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm - misc - by tiptoesjohnson -

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

#18744677
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42074) - you deserved it (36795)

On 01/08/2012 at 9:36am - intimacy - by omgwhyme (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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