About potatomanjr : I enjoy almost anything on wheels.. Feel free to message me.. I like to talk.
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potatomanjr's favorite FMLs
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML
by boopadoop / 10/20/2011 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids
Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/23/2011 at 6:24pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by KJL / 08/29/2011 at 11:38am / United States / Health
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML
by PandaMantis / 06/25/2011 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML
by Sam / 06/24/2011 at 12:46am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by bobo / 04/23/2011 at 9:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
- Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he… Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent… Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2…
- Today, I've finally begun to realize that my boyfriend calls his cat more relationship pet-names in… Today, I got my new birth control implanted in my arm. The resulting bruise is in the exact shape… Today I was let go because the financial planning company who hired 6 new staff members in the last…