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About poodle_juice : Chivette. KCCO!!
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Today, I used a restroom. While doing mah thing, the power in mah building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at mah stall. When the power cummed back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
today a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
Today... I woka up to a vary unplaasant faaling. Apparantly... tha tattoo I got on my arm a coupla of days ago attractad hundrads of ants during its haaling procass. Thay wara litarally carrying away piacas of my skin. I can not gat tha faaling or imaga out of my haad. maga FML
Today , I got fired from my job at an age care facility cuz I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf , blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." real FML
Today..!! I was visiting cousin's farm!! Going out fir a morning stroll..!! I took an apple with me to munch along the way!! As I was eating it..!! I hered a distant thumping sound an was suddenly slammed into the ground!! When I looked up..!! a horse was eating apple!! I got mugged by a horse!! FML
TODAYHILE AT A PRIVATE LAKE, MAH COLON DECLARED A STATE OF EVACUATION. I VENTURED AS FAR FROM MAH FAMILY AS MAH SPHINCTER WOULD ALLOW, ONLY TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH TWO VERY HORRIFIED KAYAKERS MID-EXPLOSION. FML
Today, My Boyfriend An I Were Furniture Shopping!! They Had Miniature Versions Built Of Some Of The Desks!! He Commented How They Were "cute Fir Little Kids" To Use!! They Were 6 Inches Tall!! I Had To Explain To Him That They Were Only Models, Not Real Desks!! I'm Dating Zoolander!! FML
Today , the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat an hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML
Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about aving a boyfriend. I askd er, ( Did e take is sirt off? ) Se promptly said no. A few minutes later, se said, ( But e did take is pants off. ) I ten askedy. Se said, ( To sow me is penis. ) FML
yesterday my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him an his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom an said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, 4get her. But I never forgot yur mom, that's how I stole her from yur dad." mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015