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Today, my daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is, being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62665) - you deserved it (9115)
On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58998) - you deserved it (30950)
On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was visiting my friends new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughters. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25017) - you deserved it (5003)
On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (177508) - you deserved it (25394)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (81135) - you deserved it (15202)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31297) - you deserved it (49256)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (210066) - you deserved it (94968)
On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139615) - you deserved it (32559)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancée, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancée for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (272479) - you deserved it (10297)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96956) - you deserved it (8076)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (132785) - you deserved it (8273)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (207478) - you deserved it (10118)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (381123) - you deserved it (21582)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (549379) - you deserved it (35315)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31123) - you deserved it (100320)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Monday 20 May 2013
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