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About polvorah : *insert something really sarcastic to say here*
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Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university an started smashing mah car with a bat. She then broke down in teres an alternated between declaring her love, an cussing me out 4 "cheating" on her. FML
Today, I found out that looool I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, boyfriand told ma tat a ad onca baan possassad by damons, and tat a now slaap wit a knifa undar is pillow for protaction from, "Ta dark spirit tat ara faasting upon is soul." I'm sura tat I'll ba slaaping ovar anytima soon!! FML
Today... I was giving boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve... an they startd attacking face. Luckily 4 him... since boyfriend was holding head down... his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
Today, my looool father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML
Today, after sex, mah boyfriend and I lay in bed fir a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice fir post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. fat FML
Today, mah mom threw mah tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead . Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking there tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk . FML
Friday 27 March 2015