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pokerface71

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pokerface71
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 3 November 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 969
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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pokerface71's favorite FMLs

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13897) - you deserved it (23603)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13692) - you deserved it (34574)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28487) - you deserved it (9823)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

#21115862
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33675) - you deserved it (2946)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:31pm - kids - by mommy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

#21115731
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25903) - you deserved it (2193)

On 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36233) - you deserved it (2802)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33782) - you deserved it (9945)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32589) - you deserved it (5647)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31949) - you deserved it (8989)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37536) - you deserved it (4734)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42940) - you deserved it (3742)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

#21112602
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37691) - you deserved it (4545)

On 04/14/2014 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32012) - you deserved it (4830)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

#21112302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28356) - you deserved it (9678)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:57pm - misc - by bummed -



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