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Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30694) - you deserved it (2982)
On 11/25/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by wow (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)
Today, at work I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then shows up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22700) - you deserved it (3995)
On 11/12/2010 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (20800)
On 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm - intimacy - by tht1chk - United States (California)
Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5915) - you deserved it (54642)
On 09/21/2010 at 12:49am - animals - by awesome - United States (Arizona)
Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24806) - you deserved it (21132)
On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10906) - you deserved it (35513)
On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2.5 years told me that he believes in females being subservient, and I am not allowed to have opinions anymore. AND he is "the Alpha Dog" and I'm merely the "Beta Dog", so I have to "get used to it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24939) - you deserved it (5402)
On 02/14/2010 at 7:43pm - love - by Shirley (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12753) - you deserved it (6679)
On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - intimacy - by mairelys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29578) - you deserved it (2565)
On 12/14/2009 at 12:00pm - misc - by samgonzalessb - United States (Texas)
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you deserved it (3129)
On 12/14/2009 at 4:05am - love - by luckygirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22011) - you deserved it (4203)
On 11/14/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by ZINGER (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had my friend Mark over for dinner. My Dad asked him what his dad did for a living. We all squirmed a bit when he told us that his dad died last year. We all went about finishing our meal when suddenly my dad says: "I'm sorry, Mark, what did you say your dad did for a living again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43644) - you deserved it (1985)
On 08/25/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by youzabadgirl12 - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24530) - you deserved it (106384)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML
I agree, your life sucks (57156) - you deserved it (3418)
On 04/05/2009 at 11:14pm - work - by maconda99 (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41070) - you deserved it (46710)
On 04/03/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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