About plaguer : Part time barista, tattoo parlor rest of the time. My dog's name is Bowser.
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plaguer's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML
by omnomnom / 02/04/2011 at 7:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML
by missbrit / 02/04/2011 at 2:59am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Intimacy
by Brea / 02/01/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Geek
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Animals
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 9:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 12:31am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML
by biscuit / 01/07/2011 at 12:46am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Username / 12/23/2010 at 9:48am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML
by lonelyengineer / 12/19/2010 at 5:28am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Love
Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML
by me / 12/18/2010 at 10:20pm / United States / Transportation
- Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants… Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes.… Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door,…